Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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