so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
