Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
