I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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