Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
