I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
