My first STD was from a foam party
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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