i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
