just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
