I seem to have left my pride at pride
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
this boner is exhausting
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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