Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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