I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
