I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
