Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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