I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
