Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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