I wanna bring you to show and tell
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
