Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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