DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
