Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
