you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
