I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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