i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
