Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
