He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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