She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
