we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
