I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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