I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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