I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
