I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
