I got chris browned last night
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
