Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
