I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
