If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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