ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
