So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
