Don't you send me to vm
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
