think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
