Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
