Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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