I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
