I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
