Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
