if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
