the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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