if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
