Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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