I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
