dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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